Insanities

Lets toast to moving on for a better 2010!

Hmmmm so where to start??? I’m not quite sure what happened or how I got here but something happened then everything started spinning out of control and the next thing you know we’re in 2010! Funny how one thing leads to another and things just go from bad to worse. I’m not one to broadcast my problems nor do I like when people get involve in things that are none of their business, but that’s what I think happened here. Some with good intentions try and help and others get in the way with their own conniving agendas. I know must of us are grown so they don’t need me to tell them what to do or who to see or who to talk to. Must people can come to their own conclusions as to what’s right and wrong, just like people can chose to believe what they want. I don’t want to get into too much details but contrary to believes there is nothing I’ve done that I wouldn’t do again nor anything crazy enough that anyone I know wouldn’t do. Its funny that someone who’s done worse has the audacity to judge me. Trust me I’m not smart enough to break into or hack into anything, nor I’m I that desperate for someone who really after so many years thinks I’m this monster. If a supposed friend was calling me insane than maybe she’s the one with questionable morals. I’m not the one being caught in a web of lies. Someone who’s so oblivious to what’s she’s doing its kinds sad really. I have NOTHING to hide or lie about and It’s true that you never really know someone but there are those people that I would trust with my life and those that I would never give a second chance to. I rather have one person in my life that I can trust with my life than have 200 “friends”. If there’s one thing that 2009 has tough me is to listen to my guts and go with my instinct because nothing is what it seems. I would never go and purposely hurt or lie to someone I cared about. My only sin was maybe caring for someone too much, and I tried to get away and run but you were always the one to bring me back. You were the one that create this “monster” so why blame me for your doing? Why not let me go like I try to do so many times? All I wanted was to be left alone so I can move on. I just want to leave all this stupid nonsense behind and move on. Everyone has their own drama. their own problems, and its always easier to see and solve someone else’s problems, but I’m a grown as woman that can deal with her own issues. Lets be grown ups here cuz I’m not out there talking shit about anyone nor do I go around convincing people you’re the devil. It’s sad that it all had to come to this but now I know who’s who. So lets stop with all the bull shit nonsense and move on. There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it and surround yourself with the people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good. After all life is too short to be anything but happy. So lets stop the cruelty and you dont have to believe or agree with me but all i'm asking for is to be left alone. Thanks and have a wonderful life.

Luisa M. Gonzalez

Ya Dig?

A wise woman once told me, “Speak up even if your voice shakes” Maybe that’s my problem, I haven’t been speaking up, or maybe I’m not speaking up loudly or clearly enough. Maybe I’m not being understood or heard. I hate having to repeat or explain myself. I don’t think I’m a very complicated girl. I’m like a glass, you can always see right thru me. People can always tell when I’m happy, mad or depressed, I wear my heart on my sleeves. And yes my glass can get a little foggy sometimes, and I might have a few layers to me but at the end I never have anything to hide. I like to have my own individual thing going. I’ve always admire people who are different, someone who marches to their own drums. I love someone who has their own thing going and don’t really care what people think. I hate being smothered , I like to have my space. I get lost in my thoughs in my own little world but sometimes you just have to let me be. I can be a little selfish sometimes but what’s wrong with wanting something just for me, something of my own. So what if I don’t want to share, tough! Hmmm I guess the problem is, the things I don’t want to share are not mine in the first place. I’m doing it a little different this time around. That’s what life its, keep trying to you finally get it right.

With Love,

Weezy

xoxo

Nada es para Siempre

I cant believe Thanksgiving is over and now just a few more weeks till Christmas. The older you get the faster time seems to fly. I had a great Thanksgiving not only because I didn’t have to cook but because I got to see family I haven’t seen in a long time. Its so easy to lose touch with people and at the same time regain that friendship with someone you haven’t seen in a long time. Holidays can be though , sometimes it doesn’t matter how many family and friends are around you sometimes you cant help it but feel alone. Its not that you don’t feel grateful but more like you’re missing something, with brings me to this next question. Can you lose something you never really had?? Or should it hurt less losing something if you never really had it? Well I don’t know people say you make your own happiness but something’s are out of our control. People do and feel things that are not logical but how do you stop that? How do you not feel possessive over someone who’s not your’s? How do you regain trust in someone who you once cared about?? Sometimes I wish I could go back to where times were simpler but knowing what I know now I wouldn’t go back for anything. I’ve learned time were not simpler but more like I was blind and it just seemed that way, besides I think I’m stronger and wiser now. Its sad to say but something’s will ever be the same. I’m not 100% there yet but I’ve been making great progress. Yes I relapse now and them, but sometimes I just cant help myself. I’m just waiting for time to do its things. You cant move on when the source of your problem lingers around you, the best time is to move on and let them go. I'm just waiting till i'm finally free till I no longer have to feel guilty and empty every time someone else is lying next to me. I cant wait till I finally close this chapter, and I can finally move on. No pain last forever, now if I can only fast forward till then…………

New Years Resolution; Stop thinking with my heart and be a little more rational when it comes to matters of the heart!

Just remember, Karma is a bitch. What goes around comes back around.

This chapter is now closed.

Till next time

Weezy

xoxo

Barely Breathing

I wish I was suffering from a severe case of amnesia or a terminally ill something, or is there such decease where you can’t feel anything or have no emotions. Sometimes I wish I can rip my heart out so it can stop beating. Or what can I do to feel numb enough so I don’t feel anything anymore. How much deeper can I go till I cant feel much of nothing and the pain stops. Its only a matter of time before the structures crumbles or your hands stop shaking enough to hit pause . How far do you have to drive to get away from all the noise or is my only option to drive blindly till I hit something hard enough to wake me? Where can you hide where no one will find you so that I can finally breath and think. Where can you stand so you don’t feel like you‘re in the way? Physical cuts & bruises always fade but your heart will always bear scars. I need that magic wand to make everything go away or make me disappear. What do you do when you’ve got nothing else.

To be continued.....

Luisa

Freedom of Expression!

My writing is a way to express myself without having to involve myself in any unnecessary drama. I write what’s on my mind at that moment even if I don’t mean it tomorrow. Some might ask why not just confront whomever and deal with the issue and move on? But I write for me not for anyone else. For me its easier to write how I’m feeling than going up to whomever when I’m angry or upset and say something I’m gonna regret tomorrow. When I’m mad at someone or I know someone’s done something extremely fucked up I write what I’m feeling and how that person’s action made me feel. You might ask why not confront and solve the problem to get it over with but here’s what I think. Everyone had their own morals and should know what’s right and wrong. When someone does something fucked up to you I think its not my place to sit someone down and explain to them why their actions were so inappropriate. If you’re so oblivious to the fact that you upset someone and don’t have the brain power to realize and think for yourself then that’s your problem and you do with it as you please. People’s action speak louder than words and for me my words speak in volume and help me deal with my inner turmoil. There are so many ways to express yourself, I’m usually the type to hold it inside, but writing always help me deal with my emotions and what I’m feeling at that moment. I don’t own anyone an explanation for what I’m feeling, If you don’t like it then write your own blog. Lol Think before doing something stupid and inappropriate when it involves someone else’s life. I shouldn’t have to tell you what the problem is, or do I have to sit you down and spell it out for you?? Stupid actions have consequences and we all pay for them one way or another. As for me I’m gonna live my life cautiously learning a long the way, loving life, and not sweating the small stuff. Your insignificance will help me see the bigger picture. I hope I’ve inspire you with some knowledge, and a big shout out to Monica who told me I’m not crazy! Lmao! Thanks for listening. Sometimes all you need is a good friend to just listen to your drama.

With Love

Weezy

Welcome to the Dark Side!

Don’t under estimate me. When I go searching I find. I usually don’t like what I find but I always win. I’m a double edge sword, dangerous, your worst enemy. Any other person would have been ashamed maybe felt guiltily by what I’ve just done, but no not me! Yes a little evil and conniving but it was soo worth it. I’m tired of being the good girl but that’s over. I’m gonna take everything from under you and you wont even know what hit you. I’m a damn good liar too when I have to be so bee careful and don’t let my baby face fool you. Stop trying to be like everyone else and try to be a little more original. Just like you can keep secrets I can keep them better. ;o)~

Sweet Kisses! Xoxo

Weezy

Drama Free Life! Bam!

Another Angry Blog! This is just part of my anger management program. Because I rather write than beat the shit out of someone! Oh and because I write my best work when I‘m angry and alone in my head! Not that I’m angry or anything! ;o)~ lol

Ok this is it! And only cuz I know you’ve been waiting for this so you can over analyze it or misinterpret it to your liking, but honestly I don’t give a shit what you think so here it is. My weapon of mass destruction, because I know it drives you crazy not knowing what I’m really thinking right??? And because my writing always have a double meaning to it ;o) lol So here it is:

I should have been an actress, I wanna be front and center stage! Give me lights, I wanna put on a show! I wanna be the star, a diva! but I don’t want to play the protagonist, the victim. I wanna play the villain, the bitch, the bad one! They always have the most fun! Like I say a good girl is only a bad girl that never gets caught! ;o)~ See my problem is I’m very indecisive, I change my mind a thousand times a day(Same with my emotions). My other problem is that I never finish what I started. I do shit half way or just never finish or fully commit to something. Here is my last problem. I can be a little too nice. I rather not tell you the truth because knowing me I wanna spare your feeling or some shit like that. I’m quite and I like to watch people. My favorite(People I fucking loath) are people that create drama and drown themselves in it. They like to put themselves in the middle of the drama even if the drama is not even about them. They like the attention, they like to play the victim and have everyone feel sorry for them. These are also the easiest people to torture, just give them drama that they cant solve and see how easily they step back. We are all grown ups here so we all make mistakes. No one is perfect, I sometimes act irrational or out of anger but I know right from wrong and I can always right my wrongs. I know the company I keep, my closest friends, my enemy, my family, people I can trust. But truth is that you never really know someone. Just like you’ll never know why you love certain people , why we do the stupid things we do, why you could never love someone, why you hate the little things people do or why is it so easy to judge other people’s problems but your own. Unless you’ve walked on someone else’s shoes you’ll never really know. We all see and react to things differently. Like I said in the beginning I change my mind a thousand times a day, so leave me the fuck alone, and let me be angry so that I can hate you for my own irrational reasons. Tomorrow is a new day so ask me again how I feel, who knows I might love you again tomorrow. Let me be who I wanna be, let me act how I wanna act. Just let me be me, Irrational, emotional and crazy me. If you don’t like it than let me go and let me move on with my life. I can’t and wont explain myself as well as I wont apologies for my actions or my emotions. I’m a trouble maker so I’m giving you a jail free card. Run for your life and never look back. I wish you the best of luck and I know you’ll understand and thank me one day. There’s only so much a girl can take before she gets it but I’ve finally got it and I know myself. I wont be able to take or endure much of this so I’m running too. Far away from you were I can find my sanity and get over you. Nothing would be quite the same. This would be a new chapter, a new adventure. I’m gonna be just fine. I’m gonna learn to be more cautious. Also learn to keep my mouth shut sometimes and be careful what I say. But most Importantly who I say things too and who I trust. I gotta say I lost respect for a few people and their stupid judgment. That’s it!

Well Take that as you will. That’s all I got for now.

For a better and drama free tomorrow.

Simply me!

Weezy

xoxo