LOVE

Love is not like it use to be. No one writes love letters anymore. No more serenades. It’s all about hookups and then on to the next one. Falling in love is the easy part, but staying together and being true to each other is the hard part. The problem is that we are in a lazy generation. No one wants to fight for anything anymore. I’m not saying that there is anything wrong with hooking up or one night stands cuz yes shit happens and people make mistakes but its just so easy to make a mistake. I would be willing to sacrifice my life for someone, to spend the rest of my life with someone. I know that might sound stupid and ridiculous but I’m willing to try and give it my all. If it doesn’t work out that ok at least I know I gave it my all. Marriage used to be a sacred union but now everyone takes it as a joke. They get married and weeks later, months later they are getting divorced. I wanna hear more love poetry and I wanna read more love letters. I want people who love each other to be together. I hate all this it’s complicated shit. This I slept with 100000 other people while being with you. Women we need to work harder. Fuck your man 10000 times a day if you have to. Put on that sexy outfit, do those kinky things he loves and kick up your sex lives up a notch. And men stop thinking with your dicks. Learn how to love your girl for who she is and what she does for you. Maybe I'm just a hopeless romantic, dreaming in a cruel world. I know somethings are far beyond repair but we'll never know till we try..................

Sweet thoughts
Lu

Inspiration

I was looking for some inspiration lately, something to write about but there is nothing I can say or maybe nothing I really want to talk about. Nothing much has changed really. Tried to quit my job with no success. Every time I try to quit they find a way to make me doubt myself and stay. My diet didn’t last long either. I eat like I’m trying to fill a hole that is definitely not hunger. I keep trying to change something , maybe even trying to change myself, but everything seams strangely the same. When someone breaks you heart, when you lose something special, when someone dies, the world doesn’t care. The sun will still rise again tomorrow and the earth will keep rotating like it always did. The world stops for no one, even when you think the world is over for you.
I’ve been trying to be very cautious. Slow baby steps if you will. Maybe I’m making a big mistake by letting something good pass me by but I’m scared. Maybe I’m just not ready, but mostly scared to have my heart disappointed again. I rather take my caution and stay behind and admire from afar. If you truly love someone, then the only thing you want for them is to be happy....even if its not with you. I’m far beyond repair so maybe the best thing for me to do is step back and let others be happy.
I know life’s not perfect so I’m trying to look beyond all the bad shit and stay positive. I have a new outlook this year, even when shit is falling apart around be I refuse to lay down in defeat. I’m determined to move along with the flow just to get thru the day with some hope . I know most day I fake it but I’m determine to fake it till I make it. I recently joined the gym and I’m gonna work that into my dull existence till I get used to that being a part of my daily routine. I got a nook so I’ve been reading more often, a good distraction you could say. Although the books I choose to read pick at my unhealed wounds a little. I’ve always been a little masochistic and that still hasn’t change. I still find a way to have my heart beating 10000 mph. I could always find a ways to indulge myself but I always know it will always end up hurting me, painful pleasure it you will.
I refuse to hate because that word had never been in my vocabulary and I refuse to regret because how can you regret something that once made you soo happy. I now only believe in going forward and hoping time would make it easier to breathe and move on. No point in looking back with all the pointless what if’s. No matter what happens now what’s done is done and what’s said is said. Nothing will ever change the past all you can do is except it and keep on moving forward………
　
One baby step at a time,

Weezy

xoxox

Is She The Reason

I thought that this was something
Promising that one day It would turn into something
I thought the feelings were mutual And I didn't have to guess
Started being skeptical Always unavailable Like you didn't know
But now I'm feeling something
It's telling me this may not be the real something
But you was showing me
Now I'm ready and you running Damn, you got me open now
Feeling like I'm choking now
Where am I to go

I can't Believe that you can feel my heart
And I can't Believe you'd let me fall so hard
How could you let it go this far If you had doubts that I wasn't the one
And you said That you're the type to take it slow
And you said Before I step, I'll let you know
Before you let me see you with her
You could have told me a change was going to come

Is she the reason you don't call me like you used to
Fall through my hood like you use to
Or put it on me hard like you use to do
I feel in my mind what's going on
But my heart won't let me go until I know

Is she the reason that my calls didn't reach you
The deepest of my love couldn't please you
Or bring it to me home like you use to do
Seeing her falling for your charm Got me feeling like I wasn't good enough

See, I know we not official
But us being official ain't never been an issue
It came down to us
Boy, remember we were different
We said that we'd talk If we ever had problems about anything

I was cool with no commitment (wait)
Let me take that back It was you, so I was with it
Guess I didn't get When you showed you didn't miss it
Now it seems that your interest ain't here And we ain't the same

I can't Believe that you can feel my heart
And I can't Believe you'd let me fall so hard
How could you let it go this far
If you had doubts that I wasn't the one
And you said
That you're the type to take it slow
And you said
Before I step, I'll let you know
Before you let me see you with her
You could have told me a change was going to come

Is she the reason you don't call me like you used to
Fall through my hood like you use to
Or put it on me hard like you use to do
I feel in my mind what's going on
But my heart won't let me go until I know
Is she the reason that my calls didn't reach you
The deepest of my love couldn't please you
Or bring it to me home like you use to do
Seeing her falling for your charm
Got me feeling like I wasn't good enough

All you had to say was this ain't what you want
I wouldn't be so hurt and I could just move on
You had me believing, everything was my fault
But I can see now It's a situation that I must let go
Cause you ain't going to be a man and let me know
I guess me seeing you with her says it all

Is she the reason you don't call me like you used to
Fall through my hood like you use to
Or put it on me hard like you use to do
I feel in my mind what's going on
But my heart won't let me go until I know
Is she the reason that my calls didn't reach you
The deepest of my love couldn't please you
Or bring it to me home like you use to do
Seeing her falling for your charm Got me feeling like I wasn't good enough...........


Weezy

AFTER THE STORM!

I've been up and down and upside down for so long that now that I'm standing straight I can't tell the difference. I'm out of the water but I still can't breathe. Everything is broken in pieces but it was never whole in the first place. The tears used to fall on the outside and now they fall within. Everything is in its place, nothing is missing but nothing seems right. I was hanging on a noose tiptoeing on hope but that was pulled from under me. I used to have nothing and now I have less. You want to disappear but the spot light is on you so you cant even hide. The mask is on, so from the outside the structure seems whole but inside there is nothing but chaos. Sometimes I still feel caught up in the storm like a phantom pain that lingers from the past. Afraid to move cuz you'll fall. Afraid to yell because nothing might come out. Afraid of the memories that haunt you, but terrified to lose them because that's all you've got now. I hold my breath because I’m afraid you’ll see my heart pounding thru my chest. Afraid to lose composure and breakdown. Time is no longer relevant, because you're stuck in the hands of time. The ride stopped but I keep spinning. So what can you say or what can you do when its all said and done? Its my fault for jumping into a whirlpool with nothing to old on to. The after effect are still going on so every wind knocks me back down. So many people around but I'm still alone. Something that I once seemed so sure to lose is now finally gone. There is nothing else to fear when everything you feared finally came true. Now that the storm is over I should be at peace but the storm is all I've know and all I've lived.

Patiently waiting for the sunshine after the rain.............

Weezy

Insanities

Lets toast to moving on for a better 2010!

Hmmmm so where to start??? I’m not quite sure what happened or how I got here but something happened then everything started spinning out of control and the next thing you know we’re in 2010! Funny how one thing leads to another and things just go from bad to worse. I’m not one to broadcast my problems nor do I like when people get involve in things that are none of their business, but that’s what I think happened here. Some with good intentions try and help and others get in the way with their own conniving agendas. I know must of us are grown so they don’t need me to tell them what to do or who to see or who to talk to. Must people can come to their own conclusions as to what’s right and wrong, just like people can chose to believe what they want. I don’t want to get into too much details but contrary to believes there is nothing I’ve done that I wouldn’t do again nor anything crazy enough that anyone I know wouldn’t do. Its funny that someone who’s done worse has the audacity to judge me. Trust me I’m not smart enough to break into or hack into anything, nor I’m I that desperate for someone who really after so many years thinks I’m this monster. If a supposed friend was calling me insane than maybe she’s the one with questionable morals. I’m not the one being caught in a web of lies. Someone who’s so oblivious to what’s she’s doing its kinds sad really. I have NOTHING to hide or lie about and It’s true that you never really know someone but there are those people that I would trust with my life and those that I would never give a second chance to. I rather have one person in my life that I can trust with my life than have 200 “friends”. If there’s one thing that 2009 has tough me is to listen to my guts and go with my instinct because nothing is what it seems. I would never go and purposely hurt or lie to someone I cared about. My only sin was maybe caring for someone too much, and I tried to get away and run but you were always the one to bring me back. You were the one that create this “monster” so why blame me for your doing? Why not let me go like I try to do so many times? All I wanted was to be left alone so I can move on. I just want to leave all this stupid nonsense behind and move on. Everyone has their own drama. their own problems, and its always easier to see and solve someone else’s problems, but I’m a grown as woman that can deal with her own issues. Lets be grown ups here cuz I’m not out there talking shit about anyone nor do I go around convincing people you’re the devil. It’s sad that it all had to come to this but now I know who’s who. So lets stop with all the bull shit nonsense and move on. There comes a time in life when you have to let go of all the pointless drama and the people who create it and surround yourself with the people who make you laugh so hard that you forget the bad and focus solely on the good. After all life is too short to be anything but happy. So lets stop the cruelty and you dont have to believe or agree with me but all i'm asking for is to be left alone. Thanks and have a wonderful life.

Luisa M. Gonzalez

Ya Dig?

A wise woman once told me, “Speak up even if your voice shakes” Maybe that’s my problem, I haven’t been speaking up, or maybe I’m not speaking up loudly or clearly enough. Maybe I’m not being understood or heard. I hate having to repeat or explain myself. I don’t think I’m a very complicated girl. I’m like a glass, you can always see right thru me. People can always tell when I’m happy, mad or depressed, I wear my heart on my sleeves. And yes my glass can get a little foggy sometimes, and I might have a few layers to me but at the end I never have anything to hide. I like to have my own individual thing going. I’ve always admire people who are different, someone who marches to their own drums. I love someone who has their own thing going and don’t really care what people think. I hate being smothered , I like to have my space. I get lost in my thoughs in my own little world but sometimes you just have to let me be. I can be a little selfish sometimes but what’s wrong with wanting something just for me, something of my own. So what if I don’t want to share, tough! Hmmm I guess the problem is, the things I don’t want to share are not mine in the first place. I’m doing it a little different this time around. That’s what life its, keep trying to you finally get it right.

With Love,

Weezy

xoxo

Nada es para Siempre

I cant believe Thanksgiving is over and now just a few more weeks till Christmas. The older you get the faster time seems to fly. I had a great Thanksgiving not only because I didn’t have to cook but because I got to see family I haven’t seen in a long time. Its so easy to lose touch with people and at the same time regain that friendship with someone you haven’t seen in a long time. Holidays can be though , sometimes it doesn’t matter how many family and friends are around you sometimes you cant help it but feel alone. Its not that you don’t feel grateful but more like you’re missing something, with brings me to this next question. Can you lose something you never really had?? Or should it hurt less losing something if you never really had it? Well I don’t know people say you make your own happiness but something’s are out of our control. People do and feel things that are not logical but how do you stop that? How do you not feel possessive over someone who’s not your’s? How do you regain trust in someone who you once cared about?? Sometimes I wish I could go back to where times were simpler but knowing what I know now I wouldn’t go back for anything. I’ve learned time were not simpler but more like I was blind and it just seemed that way, besides I think I’m stronger and wiser now. Its sad to say but something’s will ever be the same. I’m not 100% there yet but I’ve been making great progress. Yes I relapse now and them, but sometimes I just cant help myself. I’m just waiting for time to do its things. You cant move on when the source of your problem lingers around you, the best time is to move on and let them go. I'm just waiting till i'm finally free till I no longer have to feel guilty and empty every time someone else is lying next to me. I cant wait till I finally close this chapter, and I can finally move on. No pain last forever, now if I can only fast forward till then…………

New Years Resolution; Stop thinking with my heart and be a little more rational when it comes to matters of the heart!

Just remember, Karma is a bitch. What goes around comes back around.

This chapter is now closed.

Till next time

Weezy

xoxo